“I felt like a big monster lived in my head, it’s like a lot of radio stations playing at the same time” : Adam Atkinson

“I felt like a big monster lived in my head, it’s like a lot of radio stations playing at the same time” — Adam Atkinson

Rostyslava Martyniuk

“I felt like a big monster lived in my head, it’s like a lot of radio stations playing at the same time” — Adam Atkinson(the name is changed as he decided to stay anonymously — ed.), ex-drug addicted that became a musician.

If you were walking along the Thames in London, you could see a man in an all-jeans look playing the guitar and singing songs. The lyrics of his songs are always mindful and have a deep sense.

He is playing music, talking to people and hugging them after the concert. But nobody knows that this man has a huge background full of the strength to change a life, will and turn back to become himself. 

His name is Adam Atkinson, and he is a musician who was drug-addicted before but decided to absolutely change his life. “I found myself” — he says.
And the all-jeans look is its own zest.

Childhood

My childhood to be honest was pretty ordinary, but I was a very non-ordinary and artistic kid, becoming a visual artist was my biggest dream. Drawing “doodles”(a rough drawing made absent-mindedly), making some crafts with my mom, and painting in a sketchbook, I did a lot of art when I was a kid. My mom supported me all the time. 

I remember, my parents were divorced when I was 2 years old. It had a huge impact on me. I am over that situation now, but it was a big trauma.

Despite that, I felt total, comprehensive love and support from my parents.

Except for being an artistic and creative kid, I was also very energetic and weird, as children the same age saw me. I had a non-ordinary mind and asked a lot of questions. 

First experience with drugs

While growing up, I was becoming a really difficult teenager. The first time took a drug, I was 13 years old.  I was desperate about everything. I felt unhappy, and kind of bored with reality, and nothing made sense to me.

Drugs at that time were a way to escape from reality. I went seeking a different experience than my real life. 

The other kids surrounding me were from tough backgrounds. So I knew where to find drugs. I remember the first time I visited the building where I bought drugs. It was a strange place and those weird people outside…

When I took weed for the first time, I felt excited, but it was a reaction to doing the wrong thing. It was my rebellion. 

I thought at that time, “I am a cool guy, I am taking a drug and nobody knows”. 

Lately, it became more and more often. I took many different types of drugs, like ecstasy and cocaine.

One moment it started to be more desolation, I almost lost a connection with society. I understood that I had to stop it, but on the other hand, drugs gave me a feeling of self-confidence and excitement. Everyone wants to feel loved and supported by someone, I had those feelings with drugs. 

It was so many problems because I used to have paranoia and hallucinations. I lost control of my life and everything that happened around me. I never tried, but thought about suicide. It was the darkest time of my life. 

Searching a sense

One thing that scared me the most at that time was living life automatically, I mean creating a family, raising kids, mortgage, and ordinary jobs.

I was obsessed with searching for a sense of my life and answers about people’s lives, God, and the Universe, and couldn’t find it. Eventually, when searching the Internet, seeking spiritual and philosophical topics, I found information about a charity organization based in the UK. I met a woman, called Amina. My friend invited me to speak with her, I was really sceptical and did not believe that she could change my mind.

At that time I felt like a big monster lived in my head, it was like a lot of radio stations playing at the same time. But while speaking with her, all voices in my head were silent, I felt like someone unplugged the radios. Maybe, it sounds weird, but I unexpectedly remembered who I am. 

Then we worked together many times after that. When I say “worked”, I mean discussion and conversation, we worked on my inner world, and I dig really deep to change my life. 

She became my guru. We spoke a lot about everything, and it turns out that Hindu philosophy resonated with me the most. It is not about religion but philosophy, the way you live and think. 

So, it totally changed my life at that time.

Purpose

Now I am working to become a world-famous musician. I wake up and do my spirituality routine: yoga and meditation. I do all the work by myself, I am writing on social media, and I create all the lyrics and music. 

Being a musician is absolutely my purpose, I would not work a regular job, like a lawyer, teacher or engineer, because it is not my purpose. I was born to be a musician. I can put messages in my music and give a deep sense to people. Not only that, but I can make them happy at concerts with my energy.

I cannot change the entire world, but I can make a positive change for people all around me. If you watch any movies, you know that good always wins, so I do believe in life the good will always win.  I give people good energy, and they give it to me back, it is like a circle of good energy. 

The main messages of my music are searching for a light and sharing it with others and their mental health. 

A big dream

Doing visualization, I dream about the future, and I see myself as a world-famous musician with absolutely positive energy that can enlighten many people in the world. Of course, I want to get married and have a lot of kids and a beautiful family. My guru has a family and I want to follow her example. 

 Not only that but, I dream to have a charity foundation, and help people. Perhaps, it seems like that regular life that I ran out of when I was younger. The only difference is the way you go about that life. You may see people on the street with bright eyes and big smiles on their faces and automatically understand, “those people are happy”. Having love and light inside is everything. So, this is my dream, to be one of those people.

[Rostyslava Martyniuk is a Journalist, Public Relations Assistant , Event Coordinator ,Communications Specialist , Social Media Manager; she can be connected in rostislava4130@gmail.com]

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