India’s Obsession with Matchmaking

India’s Obsession with Matchmaking

KAKALI DAS

Sima aunty from Indian Matchmaking, a 2020 Indian reality television series, is not just an ironic binge-watch meme queen, she represents a person who almost every young Indian of marriageable age has to encounter at some point in their life – the matchmaker.

But, why is India still so obsessed with matchmaking?

The Lok Foundation – Oxford University Survey shows that as of 2018, 93 percent of Indian marriages were arranged. Marriages are a family affair where marrying the right person is important.

But for arranging a marriage well, families need to ensure a match is suitable. In novels, films, and even in our grandparents’ stories, we find many examples of informal matchmakers or enthusiastic family friends who have played anti-Cupid since the 20^th century.

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But poking into the history of professional matchmaking leads us to the lanes of colonial Calcutta, where members of the ghatak caste brokered marriages. They used their unusual influence over the Brahmins to access families’ caste histories and negotiate marriages.

But due to reports of corruption, malpractices and women’s increased importance in decision-making in family matters, ghatakis or women matchmakers began to replace their male counterparts in marriage negotiations.

Soon, these networks fell short and families replaced ghataks/ghatakis with caste-based journals such as the Kayastha Patrika or Brahman Samaj. These journals published matrimonials to make money with a promise to be fair and open in providing correct information about prospective candidates. Aside from providing addresses so families could correspond through letters, they also offered services of their in-house ghatak, or matchmaker for an additional fee.

Soon, these formal institutions began to replace ghataks. From the beginning of the 20^th century, matrimonial advertisements assumed more importance than traditional matchmaking.

As Calcutta grew in size, and became more urban and diverse, marriage bureaus came to be, and matchmaking became a fully functioning industry.

The next big shift came around the 1990s. At the turn of the century, with liberalisation and the economic boom, more and more people moved to the cities and even abroad creating a geographical roadblock in the hunt for suitable matches. The financial independence also offered individuals more room to asset their preferences, and led to the birth of matrimonial sites.

One of India’s first breakout matrimonial sites was Bharat Matrimony. The first thing matrimonials ask candidates to fill in is their religion and community, followed by dietary preferences, income and then sub-community. All of this information essentially serves the purpose of a marriage CV or biodata.

But, it’s not about whether the mode of matchmaking is a professional like Sima Aunty or an app or a family friend. The baffling question is, why do Indians keep opting for matchmaking to get married? In the Indian family ecosystem, family holds more value than an individual. Loyalty and individual duty towards family are cherished values, and the most important way of showing the two is by marrying within the community and furthering the family line in the ‘right way.’

In a society obsessed with caste purity and class hierarchy, the worst thing that can happen is for the family line to get polluted if you marry the wrong person. At the same time, the stigma around divorce also ensures that we pay attention to individuals’ compatibility, to see that these two people can make a bond as intimate as marriage work. Both these factors combine to ensure that young Indians keep opting for professional matchmaking.

It’s the matchmaker’s job to tick all the boxes, verify kundlis (horoscopes), investigate claims of the families’ wealth, look into the families’ history, and also figure out if the two individuals are compatible. Whether we make fun of her or watch her in disbelief, Sima Aunty is probably sifting through her set of biodatas of men and women and setting them up based on their backgrounds, preferences and a few other non-negotiables.

In a society which hasn’t imagined another alternative to marriage, where caste still defines the choices we make, and where parents control what their children do, Sima Aunty is doing her job at maintaining the status quo. She says, “First is marriage, then love – that is the beauty of these arranged marriages.”

[Images from different sources]

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