-Triparna Kalita |
“He is a good person,I like him.”
“She is a bad person and her behaviour tells that she is not educated.”
“I have nothing personal against her but I think she tries to advise people most of the time, which is irritating.”
I am sure each of us has said the above mentioned sentences about someone in our lives. Isn’t it weird to believe that we say things we don’t even mean at times. I don’t know about you people but I catch myself judging others time after time because I think a lot about what I think. Even when I’m very cautious and even when I try not to do that, I end up judging people or making comments about them inside my head. And at times when I am upset about something and I am not feeling good about myself, I try to compare my life with others or their behaviour, just to make myself feel good. But trust me these kind of things are stupid. We must try hard not do that, even if it’s tough to implement in reality. I am saying that because there is going to be a moment in life when you will realise many of our thoughts were based in judgments of others. It’s like they are our opinions but they are not. There is always a thin line between having opinions about something and judging something and most of the time WE CROSS THE LINE.
Things become what they are according to us rather than what they really are when our opinions set in stone. And it’s perfectly normal because there will be a day when you will know these are some kind of broken bridges or obstacles on the path of personal growth. Maria Moraca said When we are seeking change for ourselves, we sometimes feel we can comment on (or seek change for) the lives of others—about how they should behave, about what is acceptable for them, and so on. Most of the time we don’t realise but our judgemental thoughts controls our creative mind, we try our best to make things better than atleast someone and that someone causes inferiority complex at times. The judgemental voice inside our mind is constantly criticizing, sizing up, dismissing, and diminishing those who are around us. And at times it’s hard to shut it down.
Well, how tough it is to step back and ask ourselves before judging the person in front of us that how much we know about him or her? And on what grounds I am actually judging them? Trust me the answer will be “not very much”. And If you do that it will force you to stop and consider where the judgment is coming from. Let me give you a simple yet effective solution, when you realise that you are criticizing someone to others, stop and take a moment to come up with one thing you like about that person. Then praise them in front of everyone for that quality. Because a source of light is far more better than the darkness around us. Always remember that judging someone can never alter our lives positively. Pause for a moment before judging someone. See if you can understand where the person may be coming from. Try to rephrase your critical internal thought into a positive one, or at least a neutral one. Giving conclusions about someone or something disturbs our focus, it takes all our peace and it drains most of our positive energies which could be used in doing our jobs in a better way.
Life is really crazy at times, sometimes, we may be judging someone for something that we do ourselves, or have done before. For example, the next time you find yourself yelling at someone for blowing the horn in a traffic jam, ask yourself, “Have I ever did that in an emergency?” Because when people do things that are annoying, they may have a hidden disability or control issues. Try to keep that in mind. We’re always hard on each other because we are using each other as punching bags and someone just to compare. But I am not saying that judging is wrong all the time. There are plenty of values worth judgment. At times we judge people who are violent and malicious and make distance from them because that is a reflection of who we are. We judge violence and malice within us to a certain extent and when someone crosses it we become judgemental towards them. I know this article itself is a judgemental one, but at times we need to hear things about ourselves by someone else. Isn’t it? We should learn how to know about our inner self by learning about what goes inside our mind because it’s “CRAZY” and at the same time exciting which is making our life more interesting. It is for sure that after a period of time we will see better things, we will gain new experiences and life will become more settled, stable and sort of less crazy. But till then let’s just explore and love OURSELVES just the way it is.