Growing Old : Seniority and Serendipity

Sanjeev Kumar Nath

After trimming my hair the barber says, “Sir, would you like to blacken the grey hair?”

“No”, I answer. But next time I visit him for a haircut, he would invariably repeat that question after trimming my hair. Of course, my answer would also be the same : “No”.

But why is he so persistent? Because he cannot understand why this cranky customer can be happy with his grey hair; why can’t he just blacken it like most other customers of his?

Growing Old : Seniority and Serendipity — Photo by Alena Darmel on Pexels.com

I am not suggesting that not choosing to blacken my hair gives me entry into the club of the Enlightened Buddhas. It’s just a matter of taste. I like it the way it is—black or grey doesn’t matter; and there are people who like it black (or golden, or black and brown, black and red…and so on). However, not being happy with one’s grey hair may also have to do with not accepting the signs of old age, or trying to keep those signs away, as much as possible.

A little child wants to do the things adults do. It wants to grow up. Sometimes it may be even impatient to grow up. A school kid struggling with her homework might think that the adults have all the fun in the world, and the children have to work so hard on boring things like homework and assignments. Being a child, her understanding of the nature of the parents’ work and their frustrations and irritations is unlikely to be realistic.

So, she wants to grow up and be like mother or father or like her hero or heroine. She has had enough of childhood; how nice it would be if she could only quickly grow up and be an adult! Later, when she is a real adult, she might smile at her former folly and might recall how nice childhood was!

As a child, she hankers for adulthood, but as an adult, a young woman, does she hanker for the later stages of life—middle age or old age? Of course, not! No one wants to grow old. It is not only a woman who doesn’t want to grow old and so whose age you should perhaps not ask, but it’s the same with a man. Who wants to grow old?

The problem, however, is that no matter how much you dislike old age, you will grow old. And then there is the simple economics of demand and supply. Since there is great demand for youth (i.e., for somehow keeping old age away) there are the people who make profits by seeming to fulfil that demand.

Helping you to beat old age, helping you to stay forever young are a whole range of medicines, health supplements, cosmetic products, and advice from new age gurus and yogis and health freaks, but none of them can keep old age away. It is inevitable, as inevitable as the other thing no one wants—death!

By the way, there is a yogi baba ji cum businessman who is always on TV and is known for making startling claims concerning products sold by his ayurvedic company—who claims that his skin is like it was when he was born, and his hair will remain pitch black for ever—all because he uses products from his own company and practises hatha yoga.

Anyone who has seen him over the years must have noticed that he had a small percentage of grey hair and grey beard some time ago, but none now. Since he says nothing about the grey hair and grey beard that he had earlier, and seems to suggest that his hair and beard have always been fully black, I think it is up to us to make our conclusions about how his hair and beard turned fully black again.

No prizes for guessing who this great personality is, but the point is that it is not possible for the skin of a new born baby and a man in his fifties to be of the same kind. Besides, a man in his fifties or eighties need not try to make his skin like an infant’s skin. It would be madness for an old man to try to have the skin of a child, and where is the need for such nonsense?

To be born is to suffer bodily discomfort or disease, old age, and death. Hence, instead of wasting one’s time in maniacal attempts at keeping old age at bay, one can just relax and let old age arrive, and then go on to savour and enjoy old age itself. Growing old will be accompanied by changes in the body-mind complex which need to be understood but not feared or rejected.

During the period of transition into middle age, men may feel frustrated with the inevitability of old age approaching. They may experience serious depression or may make frantic attempts to arrest the coming of old age, but instead of behaving in this way, they need to take care of physical and mental health in a realistic manner so that both middle age and old age can be rewarding.

For women the period of transition into middle age is accompanied by their experience of menopause which can bring certain physical and emotional problems in its wake. They too need to take care of their body and mind based on a correct assessment of their health rather than give in to panic. This is also the time when one should review one’s retirement plans and be prepared for the future.

Even with the onset of old age and retirement from active service or work, one can have lots of interesting things to do. In fact, during our active years of work through youth and middle age, we may not have enough time and opportunity to do so many things which make us truly happy.

These activities may be different for different people, but mostly include activities like spending time with nature, (going on nature walks in national parks, for example), relaxing in the countryside, gardening, farming, meeting friends and relatives, and so on. Retirement usually makes all this possible, provided one has carefully planned one’s retirement.

Planning generally involves saving enough funds to tide over problems like possible illness, accidental expenses, and also to use in the activities one enjoys. This means that one needs to think of retirement in a positive manner and plan many years ahead of actual retirement.

Many people make the mistake of making frantic efforts to save lots of money towards the end of one’s working career. Regular saving through two or three decades, exploring different avenues of investment is a more sensible approach.

At the end of the day, however, it is not just the money one has that can see us through our senior years, but also good health and a positive attitude towards all the changes that life brings. Good health cannot be achieved with the speed of a sprinter.

Good health comes with life-long healthy habits such as eating healthy food, avoiding junk food, exercising in a regular manner, resting and sleeping adequately, playing games, pursuing hobbies and enjoying time with friends and relatives. Alog with physical fitness, we must pay some attention to maintaining mental well being. Human beings enjoy learning new things.

Even in our senior years, we can learn new things like new techniques of meditation, yoga, even new languages and playing a musical instrument. Such activities keep the brain active and healthy. Reaching out to friends and not remaining cocooned in one’s own self is usually necessary for maintaining mental health. Lonely seniors are more prone to suffer from problems like dementia.

While it may not always be possible to be socially very active, it is important to keep in touch with one’s loved ones. Sometimes, keeping a pet—a dog, especially–may provide great emotional support.

As we grow old, some of us develop a tendency to get irritated with everything that the younger generations do. Elders need to understand that they have also passed through youth and all its heady mix of excitement, happiness, anxiety and so on, and need to be tolerant towards the youngsters.

The Igbos of Nigeria have a proverb which says that if age takes away certain things with one hand, it also gives some other things with the other hand. Indeed, faculties such as discernment, patience and wisdom mature with age.

If we keep an open mind, maintain good physical and mental health, and a positive attitude towards what comes our way, old age will be a period of enjoying loved activities, quiet happiness, rest, reflection, wisdom…and it may even bring in happiness in ways not anticipated by us—we may get to experience serendipity.

Images from different sources

(Sanjeev Kumar Nath, English Department, Gauhati University, sanjeevnath21@gmail.com)

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